Let's ruin a good thing!

Let's not communicate -or- better yet, let's have one-sided openness. Let's pretend. Or we can avoid questions that we feel uncomfortable answering. Let's not speak because we're angry. Let's be despondent because we let the world get to us. Let's be petulantly crass over insignificance. Let's not support each other in our time of need because -well- let's face it, who supports us anyway? Let's play cover up to make ourselves feel better. Let's act like children when we disagree and throw sand across the playground. Let's ruin a good thing, because we don't know any better. Oh nonage, how sweet it is...

See? I pay attention...

Sometimes I feel I've got to run awayI've got to get away...

I trust you...
enough to tell you how I feel
I adore you...
when you sing to me
I am so scared of this...
I want to run away...
Away from my incessant comfort...
Your infectious laughter...
Our unfinished thoughts...
I want so badly to push you away
like I do with everyone else...
But then there's that smile...
that gets me every time...
You cock your head to the side,
Push your tongue between your teeth
Say something off the wall
to make me laugh...
and I remember why I stay...
It's the laughter, the comfort,
The chaos and everything else
that scares me...

There are certain ppl u just keep coming back to...

Deficient of the ring
oh the sweet reverberation...
The cadence of peace
As you raise your wrist
To inform me of the eleventh hour
And my dilatory manner of existentialism
But the loss of the finger halo
Causes awe and consternation
And I accept my ephemeral acquiesce
And relent to your union backslide
Stupefaction deliquesces into compassion
All I can do is offer reparations
But I don't thereupon
And I disregard as if artificial
So today, I offer you my amends
In hopes that you will accept
and know that I have no
anticipation of anything additional...

It's just a trip, not a way to ease your pain...

Visit my head trip
I dreamt of you again
Your knees to a post
Kneeled at my front
spoke of a deadly sickness
and a severed attachment
I woke up feeling dead...

There's no time left for survivalThe time is now...

The misdeed of the hand
Felt once in 8 years
Never to happen again...

Scared I'm not and won't be
I've learned how not to be
and how to refuse to be...

Understand me when I say
I'm not joking, this isn't a game
and I've given up on you...

I've learned I will not be the face
on your 11pm news, I'm much
stronger than that...

If there's one true truth
Antiquity replicates itself
until learned from...

I'm much stronger than you
seem to think I am. Rest assured,
it will never happen again...

Denying to harken, Dying to promise

Aperture cracked
Maybe someday
Intuition says no
Indication says yes
I won't heed
When conspicuously admissible
I'll pass through...

My Epoch

Reciprocated iniquities
Harlequin trollop
Unrequited thoughts
Epoch rapture
Derelict emotion
Squandered naivety
Cultivated growth

...et itur ad astra...

Boys

There are always exceptions to rules
but exceptions or no exceptions
have no expectations
because I'll always do the unexpected
have no expectations
because all I'll do is let you down...

7.20.06

I had a dream
About a man
In a suit

I had a dream
About a girl
In a dress

Then I woke up
And I was alive
Again...

You're wasting your time...

...if you're trying to impress me...
Stop flashing your money
I really don't care what you drive
I think my friends are more important
I can't commit to anything
I avoid all affection
Worst of all...

...I waste my time thinking of another...

Asleep, my life will be a pillow steering wheel turn...

Eye saw
Fast beat
Throat dry
Weak knees
Your smile
Means much
Tongue roof
Stuck yes
You spoke
I choked
All apologies

Before Sunrise

I try to keep my gaze down
As I walk before sunrise
I don't want to see your pain
Your hurt nor your compromise

I can feel your unhappiness
And the burden of your lives
I try to ignore them
As I walk before sunrise

You yell and squabble about
Nothing and your certain demise
I watch you try and get out
As I walk before sunrise

I want you not to know
So don't look at my eyes
I'm trying to leave you
As I walk before sunrise

This harsh urban system works
As fake ghetto reality cries
And to escape this life
I walk before sunrise

I'm awake before most
And I have come to find
I see things you can't imagine
And this is all before sunrise...

This could be love...

As I lay next to you and
my fingers dance along your smooth pale skin
I waiver between further exploration
or basking in our euphoria
I love how you feel next to me
and I memorize your breathing
as you start to relax
I like when your hair falls over your eyes
and how close your face is to mine
I want to run away from the stigma of our sins
The stigma of our rings
This could be love...

. . .

As I look out on the horizon
I feel your forever absence
a coming of senses
and faithfulness
with a despondent me
left to cope arduously

I abscond to the place
we've frequently sojourned
behind and feel an aura
of silence surrounds
and long for the fingertip
linger of you...

Foolish Attempt

I'll walk away with fake
full of comfort and grace
to lie to you
and state my dying case

And know the facade
will soon fade
For sadness will soon
replace this pretentious face

You'll be gone and it won't matter
because the mask you believe
to be true
will only be for you

One last touch
and one last kiss
And I hope to feel you again
after all of this

And in my gaudy unsuccessful manner
I will smile and turn my back
Because I lack the heart
to tell you of my feelings cast

And with all these words
I just want you to know
You will be missed and
I promise... I love you so...

Sweetness

It's not meant to be (like this)
I pretend that you don't exist
It's hard to hide you from
my cheeky grin and
skipped heart beats
I lose my way as
I'm blinded by your
sunshine rain and impecable sweetness

Would I be wrong to say goodbye?
Stolen dreams and pilfered words
I know I need to leave and omit
bigger heartbreak, but I'm content
I need not to hide, but it's impossible
I've tried, try, try again
I've drowned myself in your alcoholic
tongue and hoped for nothing more
And no, The sweetness will not be
concerned with me

12.9.05

Time

I enjoy time spent
not necessarily with those of significance
but with those of gaining significance.
Not time wasted or time taken
Time spent doing something or nothing
Just time being...

These words are yours
ulebmist and I got excited
There's no other way to say...
What could or shouldn't be
But there's more there
than could ever be expressed

Time left to spare
Time used laughing, heartflow
Time flies, huh?
My naked soul exposed
Too often for my comfort
But I am trying...

Trying to get the time
to let it all out
Waiting for the right time...
Trying to focus my attention
on these words I have the
inability to speak

But your time is never
far from the thought
of the last 20 minutes
Time crawls slowly
along the fictional round place
of tick tock timing

Afraid of death and bad timing
and things that I hold inside
I know we're cool
but I need time
Because thats who I am
Time is never time at all...

Fix Time

06-05-05 5:14pm

A moment of intimacy
filled with mindless drifting
of another besides the intimate
And waves of guilt
overcome to hate the
situation of a mind wander.

A dance of confusion
mangled frustration in two
a ball of nothingness
No regard for the other
thinking of another to suffice
this bubbling feeling of stuck

Closeness that isn't wanted
asked for separations for needs
away from the two for time
Needed won't get the time
to mend what's been broken
for and since the start of time

Time to think and get
away from this four person
tangle tango two unknown to
the other but known to
each his own for reasons
of sanity and making it work

Constant forgotten within the
days and the time of a failed
attempt to bind to one another
Forgotten love remembered hate
arguments about nothing forgotten
and everything never remembered

Remember us no I don't either
Neither can we see what
we had don't have wont ever
Have I been clear to you to me
I think no yes I want to never
be that person you want me to be

Lucky we were in discovery
Not of us, but our counterparts
our thought streams gone
from our closeness and towards
our unfortunate luck of the drawl
and to those who know

You don't know I don't know
We don't know, but it will be
figured out in time, time gone
Away along the forgotten highway
of unintentional feelings, presummed
emotions and no communication

why can we not seem to fix what
isn't broken but must be fixed
he's in my mind she's in your head
but we don't mention that it's in
the eyes again the smile I can see it
see me I can't see you me see it

So for now we have mind wanders
heart wanders and prefer not to
discuss it or why its happened
what's happened why the other people
why the thoughts why the wanders
unknown til we know where we went wrong...